New Zealand has a party culture. Whether you like that culture or not, it undeniably exists. Binge drinking is a rite of passage and for a lot of kiwis, smoking your first joint is just as momentous as drinking your first beer. Getting drunk and high at parties is fun. But it creates a massive grey area when it comes to sexual consent.
Navigating sexual consent while drunk or high is pretty damn tricky. In all honesty, the simplest option is to avoid sex while intoxicated. But that’s unrealistic. There’s an obvious link between getting drunk and high and having sex. Knowing what consent looks like in that situation, and making sure that you get it, is way more useful than telling yourself to renounce the drunk booty call or not bring someone home from town.
Don’t assume anything
The combination of intoxication and consent is studied in criminal law. That’s a strong warning sign that it is legally and morally complicated. You definitely cannot assume someone is consenting when they’re drunk or high. Just because someone messaged you at 2am does not mean they want to have sex with you. Seek affirmative consent regularly and make sure that you’re both on board with what you’re doing.
No is always no
No means no. No response means no. A mixed response means no. But yes isn’t always yes. If someone is stumbling, unable to focus, sleepy, slurring their words, or otherwise looking like they are too intoxicated, even an affirmative yes is not consent. Likewise, if someone seems to contradict themselves and gives consent after a refusal, step back and clarify what they really want. If they can’t tell you, that’s a no.
Think about how drunk you are
Alcohol does not enhance your ability to interpret what others are saying. Neither do drugs. Though your inhibitions are removed and you feel more confident, consent is actually much more difficult when intoxication is involved. Keep this in mind as you interact with your partner, as you will need to think more carefully than usual about whether they are giving consent.
As always with consent, clear communication on both sides is vital. If one of you cannot voice your consent clearly, stop immediately. If you have doubts about whether the other person is still into it, stop and ask them.
Consider your ability to be safe
Waking up the morning after and thinking “did we use a condom” is not a fun experience. When you’re not in a state to think ahead about what you’re doing, consider whether you should be having sex. It’s far better to say “I’m too drunk, let’s do this another time” than to risk your sexual health.
Being drunk or high doesn’t change the fact that sexual encounters should involve free and enthusiastic consent from both sides. If someone is unable to reach that level of consent due to intoxication, or you’re unsure whether they’re happy with what you’re doing, stop. Sex, drugs, and alcohol create a complicated situation. Consider the impact alcohol and drugs is having on your partner before deciding to have sex – a clear yes while intoxicated isn’t always enough.Support Villainesse