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  • Mon, 26, Aug, 2019 - 5:00:AM

Why do we have such low expectations of men?

He calls himself a feminist, but doesn’t do anything to support the claim. He expects a round of applause anyway.

He says he’s a ‘nice guy’ while he simultaneously jokes that ‘nice guys finish last’.

He exalts the ‘female brain’ (whatever the hell that is), but defers to male opinions.

He reckons his wife is ‘blessed’ because he occasionally washes a dish.

He supports movements like #MeToo, but turns a blind eye when his favourite movie star is accused.

He wears a #TimesUp pin, but doesn’t fuck like a feminist.

He says he’s ‘sex positive’ – and lectures you when you don’t put out.

He says he’s ‘sex positive’ – and calls you regressive for not wanting to be polyamorous.

He’s ‘all for the gays’, but doesn’t understand why they gotta be so flamboyant.

He uses the word f*g freely, ‘but not against gay people’.

He ‘babysits’ his own children.

Oh, you know him?

Isn’t it funny how nice guys abound yet women are still doing the majority of the housework? And the majority of the parenting? And still aren’t being believed when they speak out on the abuse they’ve faced in their lives? Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m not crying! I’m laughing!

As a lesbian bisexual (a bisexual chick who wishes she was gay – being attracted to men is a curse I can’t seem to shake) I’m consistently dumbstruck by the standards my straight girlfriends keep. Or perhaps I should say – I’m consistently dumbstruck by the standards their boyfriends and husbands set for themselves. To use an out-of-context Bernie Sanders quote: ‘It’s legal because they make the laws!

There’s just no winning in a game where you didn’t make the rules. In a game where ‘space is made’ for you. It just doesn’t matter how many women are taking on leadership positions in the workplace when they’re still coming home to work a ‘second shift’.

One of the (many!) perks of being in a same-sex relationship is there are simply no gender roles to fulfil. Housework and laundry and cooking dinner doesn’t ‘naturally’ fall to one person – tasks are taken up by whoever wants to do them (can you imagine it?!). And nobody *shudder* is anybody’s ‘mother’.

Earlier this year, Chance the Rapper wrote on Instagram, “Marriage is dope cause I get to live with a mama forever. Not my mama, but it damn near feels like it sometimes. Thank you for bringing [their child] into this world but also for occasionally being a mommy to me.”

Somebody rightfully replied, “Sorry but I’d rather die alone.”

Seriously.

I don’t want to denigrate the relationship of two happy people – but slap me if I’m ever ‘mothering’ my partner.

And look, dudebros – before you swarm the comments section with accusations that I hate men and want to destroy the family unit – there’s nothing wrong with people taking care of each other. But have a good look at who’s taking on the majority of this labour in your life. Is your girlfriend cooking your dinner each night? Is your mum still doing your laundry? Are your female colleagues washing everybody’s dishes in the break room?!

Yikes, right? Now, amend that.

And women: set boundaries, early and often. Change comes when we insist on it.

Beyond that, I recommend lesbianism.

Only kidding. Sort of.

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Comments ( 1 )

  • Thomas Krebble's picture

    Thomas Krebble - Sun, 2019-09-15 03:52

    I've always thought lesbianism is true feminism in practice.
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