Satire. In which the writer imagines life from another perspective.
There is nothing worse than political correctness. Cancer, famine, war… they all pale in significance next to the horror that is taking other people’s feelings into consideration before speaking. The way we’re going no one will be able to say anything nasty to anyone else before long. It’s outrageous.
Christmas dinner will never be the same. And yes. CHRISTMAS. Because that is the only holiday that doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. I know other people celebrate other holidays but why on earth would you respect other people’s beliefs and traditions? Anyway, back to Christmas dinner. These days, if you utter one tiny little racist joke over turkey and roast potatoes, people accuse you of being racist. No matter how funny it is. Go figure. So much for free speech.
And don’t even get me started on women. Once upon a time, women were happy. They had husbands who looked after them and they stayed home with the children. They didn’t have to worry themselves with men’s matters, and they liked it that way. Then those rabid feminists started shrieking and putting ideas in women’s heads. They told them that they deserved to be paid as much as men are paid! Imagine! They told them that they should be valued for their work and not just their cooking and their pretty faces. Those bloody feminists made it a crime to be a pretty little thing, or to like pretty little things.
Speaking of, if you call a nice young lass ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ or give them some other well-intentioned compliment, you might actually end up in jail. That’s where this ‘Me Too’ radicalism is leading. It’s a war on men, I tell you.
Gone are the days when a man could say something nice to a good looking woman. Now they want to lock you up for just looking at a woman the wrong way. Of course, there are a few bad eggs out there, but I don’t personally know any man who has ever done something seriously untoward to any woman. There may have been one time, but he was just having a laugh. So this ‘me too’ business must be overstated. There are some jealous and bitter women out there who have an enormous amount to gain from accusing a man of funny business. I’m not sure what they gain and I couldn’t name any particular thing if you asked me, but we all know that the ladies can get a bit hysterical at times.
The particularly hysterical ones inevitably go on to become social justice warriors. There’s nothing more odious than a social justice warrior. How dare they highlight injustice and go around acting so piously and making normal people feel bad. Can’t they just look on the bright side like the rest of us? No, they insist on bleating on about things like poverty making other people feel uncomfortable. It’s not my fault that there are poor people. I worked hard for what I have. It’s not my problem.
Not that anyone listens to me anyway. As an older white male, one of those people the so-called ‘progressives’ call (with no trace of irony) ‘male, stale and pale’, I am an endangered species. I can’t say anything without some young whippersnapper having the temerity to oppose my opinion. My freedom of speech is seriously under threat. I’m being silenced. I can’t write a column or shoot my mouth off on television and/or radio without people disagreeing with me. People like me used to be respected. Now we’re rapidly becoming second-class citizens.
Soon enough, the whole world will be run by those shrieking feminists, with their gender quotas that really just seek to destroy the careers of good, hardworking men (and if the feminists can’t destroy their careers that way, they’ll just whisper ‘me too’ and it’ll be ‘on your bike, son’). It’s a plot. And it’s not just happening in the workplace. Women have got so far above their station that they’re now rejecting nice young men who want to date them. I heard something about that on the news a while back. Poor young sods. I know a few of them have gone a bit odd over it, but can you really blame them?
None of that ‘inself’ business, or whatever it’s called, happened in my day; when women were women and men were men. And there were none of those alternative lifestyle choices either. You know the ones I mean.
Those were simpler times.
Nowadays, it’s a very frightening time for people like me. We’re being persecuted. We’re being forced to listen to people who don’t look like us. Our safe spaces (our boardrooms particularly) are being invaded by people who don’t look like us. We’re having to treat people who don’t look like us as equals. And there are even people who look like us but don’t think like us. It’s very confusing.
The only way to cope is to have a beer and watch some sport.
They’ll probably force me to watch women’s sport next.
What is this world coming to?Support Villainesse