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  • Sat, 30, Nov, 2019 - 5:00:AM

No filter Christmas gifts for your no filter friends

Somewhere between the G-rated Christmas dinner you’ll be spending with family and the strictly-professional work do, lies the no holds barred end-of-year get together with friends. Perhaps you’ll head into town, perhaps you’ll spend six hours on someone’s back porch, drinking wine and getting into it. Either way, if you want to give gifts (and want to give truly great gifts), we’ve got you covered.

If tickets are the ticket, we’re in for some stunners. How about a double-pass to Hannah Gadsby’s latest comedy special DouglasOr, in a different vein entirely, perhaps you could rally the troops for some Dita Von Teese action before the year ends.

You could get tickets to see Amanda Palmer, who brings her solo show There Will Be No Intermission to our shores, as part of the Auckland Arts Festival, in March. Or you could go see the high priestess of punk Patti Smith in April! In the meantime, there’s Year of the Monkey Smith’s latest book, about the strangest year of all of our lives – 2016 – from her perspective.

Speaking of books, how about the joint winners of the 2019 Man Booker Prize – Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo and The Testaments by Margaret Atwood?

Or, even better, how about some tickets to see Atwood in conversation (in Auckland, Wellington, and Christchurch) next Feb? Are you kidding me?!

Taking it back to basics, how about this T-shirt baring Jane Fonda’s 1970 mug shot? The actor, agitator, and Fire Drill Fridays founder was, in 1970, arrested on bogus drug charges in an attempt by the Nixon administration to quash her activism. You have to laugh. Or make like Lily Tomlin and get it as a clutch

Then again, there’s always the now-iconic Nope tee by The Nope Sisters, as part of the #ICantKeepQuiet movement, in support of those speaking out about sexual abuse. NOPE means no.

And perhaps the above could be purchased in conjunction with a pair of AWWA (formerly I Am Eva) period undies. Like, honestly? Just a bloody good gift.

Or how about an elegant glass of Fur Oil, the legendary body hair softener, great on underarms and eyebrows, but apparently best down the knickers? Tell me your bestie doesn’t want a silky mane.

Or perhaps a subscription to OMGYES, the website devoted to exploring the science of (cis) women’s sexuality – with vulvas on full display. To quote Emma Watson “It’s an expensive subscription but it’s [long pause] worth it.”

But then again... if you’re after something physical, so to speak, you could always pick up a copy of Aotearotica New Zealand’s only sex-positive, erotic literary journal.

And if those last two are a bit too saucy, there’s always the legendary Victoria University Press journal SPORT. With their latest issue guest-edited by Aotearoa’s baddest poet, Tayi Tibble, this is the hottest accessory of the summer... and is likely rather saucy itself. 

Whether you decide to treat your friends this season, or simply collapse into each other's arms and drag each other across the finish line, we hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

And who are we kidding – just get her the Satisfyer Pro 2. It’s what she deserves.


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