LinkedIn wants me to connect with my ex.
God knows why. It wasn’t exactly a good idea the first time round.
Gone are the days of your exes fading into the woodwork of the urban jungle, only to re-emerge in a café when you’re hungover, dreaming of coffee and Eggs Benedict and wearing that daggy T-shirt you thought twice about wearing before leaving the house but thought ‘f*ck it, no one’s going to see me’.
These days, it’s pretty bloody difficult to even scroll through a list of contact suggestions without coming across a) someone you’ve slept with, b) someone who you have had perfectly scripted fantasy conversations with in which you’ve told them in exacting details all of the ways in which they are an utter arsehole, c) someone who you booty-called, d) someone you had a few very awkward Tinder dates with then ghosted, e) someone you developed an unrequited love for, or f) all of the above.
Modern romance. It’s a minefield out there.
So what do you do when ghosts of boyfriends and/or girlfriends past show up out of the blue on your screen? Do you let the anger well up inside you? Block, block, blockity block as quickly as you can? Click on their profile and stalk their profile like you were magnetically drawn to it?
I know I’ve done all of the above in different situations. So I’m trying something new. When social media delivers me a notification or suggestion that hits the memory button with a sledgehammer, I’m trying to accept the feelings that come, whatever they may be, and to muse on how far I’ve come since then. The life lessons I’ve learnt. The empathy I’ve developed. The self-respect I’ve nurtured.
Because those are the most important things. And, to take a very Zen outlook, maybe those people all came into our lives to teach us something. To grow us in some way. Even if that lesson was simply, ‘I can survive a really shitty situation’.
In our hyper-connected world, reminders of love, loss and heartbreak can come at you out of nowhere. Amid the flood of memories, it’s important to remember our resilience, growth and strength.Support Villainesse